Unlimited Possibilities

Donna Ring: Rebuilding My Life – Learning To Go It Alone
(Taken From an address at the 2003 State Convention)

Donna Ring: I’m going to speak to all you people out here. This is going to be a little different, but I think this will be meaningful in a different kind of way. I’m not a real good group person, but I am a person who loves to help people one-on-one. Anyone who knows me knows that.

Have you ever been lonely? Have you ever been depressed? Have you ever thought that you just couldn’t do it, and you just didn’t know how to get it done, but you knew there was something you really had to do? Well, back in the seventies when I had a disaster of a first marriage to a sighted person, and I was almost a prisoner in my own home, I knew I had to do something different. I knew that something had to change. I found the path to that change through my own discovery that I was worth something as a human being--through the National Federation of the Blind.

This was back in Detroit--back almost thirty years ago now. It was through the National Federation of the Blind that I discovered as a blind person I didn’t have to be dependent on a sighted person just because he or she was sighted. As a blind person I had my job; I started working for Social Security back in 1973. I was the one with a job. My first husband was the one that was bumming around and didn’t have a job. He had the car. I was taking two buses everyday, but I was working. I was taking care of him! Suddenly, I discovered empowerment. I discovered that I as a human being, as a blind person, could do things he wasn’t doing. I discovered that I didn’t have to be afraid. I didn’t have to be a prisoner in my own home. I could go out, I could do things that I didn’t know I could do. Thanks to the philosophy and the support of friends and the National Federation of the Blind. Some of them are still friends today. I have very close friends in Michigan to this day--Mary and Fred Wurtzel--who believed in me. People who believe in you can really make the difference. That is one of the messages from the Federation.

So I started out and I worked for the Social Security Administration. I discovered that it was really cool to work with computers. It was really important to help others. I’m still doing that same job today, and at one time I was here talking to people about how to get a job--what to do and everything. It was a few years ago here now. But I couldn’t do my same job for almost thirty years if it wasn’t for the fact that I really believe in people. I really believe that we’re put here on earth to make this a better place for someone. If we can’t do that, we don’t belong here. If we can’t help somebody and make there lives a little bit brighter, then what the hell are we doing? And that’s what we should be doing here--all of us.
Now of course, sometimes that’s not easy. Sometimes we all have setbacks. We all feel sorry and you know the same job for thirty years… It’s occasionally boring. And so I would look for other outlets--ways to be of service--to help. I had my own son, who was here today, and I was really thrilled to see him. He’s successful. He’s sighted, and he was raised by two blind parents, because after my first disastrous marriage my second one was very good for twenty years. I was married to a blind man who loved me and I loved him. We discovered that you can do everything—well, as Dr. Jernigan used to say—“Blindness is no barrier.” You can do everything and enjoy it very, very much as a blind person. You can enjoy things as much, and do everything as well as any sighted person can do when you’re married. I discovered my second husband was much more of a help to me than my first sighted husband. We did things together, we helped each other, and we had a home--a good home--and raised a very successful son who, I’m proud to say, makes twice the money I do. He’s working for New Jersey Johnson and Johnson and he sets up servers, and he travels all over the world. He has a job I wish I had. Anyway, I’m real proud of him. He’s a really good person and a loving son. I’m just so thrilled and grateful to God that I have him.

Well, unfortunately my second marriage was not a disaster, but for reasons of his own my husband and I have been separated now for a little over three years. When that first happened, and he went and found someone he thought he was in love with, I was devastated. I thought my whole world had been kind of wrapped around him. And everything I did was in the light of what would he think, what would he do, how would he feel, could we share this, could we do that? Anyone who’s ever been a widow--I mean, I felt like a widow--you know what I’m talking about. Where you just reach over and that person’s not there. You think about everything you want to do in relation to that person and all of a sudden that person is not a factor anymore in your life.

The first time I came to the National Federation of the Blind State Convention after he left, I kept leaving the meetings crying because I kept thinking about, “Oh, I want to tell him this, I want to tell him that” and all of a sudden he wasn’t there. Well, I knew I had to do something about that. I couldn’t live my life grieving. I couldn’t live my life in the past.

My job, sure I was interested in it and I still enjoy being of service, but nevertheless I’m still answering the same questions everyday and get the same complaints-- you know, same old, same old. I needed something special to really spark me into feeling like I’m being a useful human being again, that I’m doing something worthwhile I can be proud of. So I started looking around. I looked for a better job. Well it didn’t happen, I’m still looking, but you know it hasn’t happened. So I said, “okay since that’s not working let me try something else.”

So then I went and offered myself as a volunteer for all different organizations. It’s really depressing when you get turned down and you’re not even asking to be paid. That is a real ego deflator. Like, my god, they won’t even take you if you say you’ll work for nothing. But that happened at a couple of hospitals and things like that. And I said, “okay, well what else can I do?“

Well I’m working now with a library, (I mentioned that earlier today), and I’m still enjoying that although I need more participation so that they will want to continue to support the program. I love working with little kids. I love Braille; I believe in Braille. I have taught Braille and enjoy doing that, and I love reading with little kids and really believe in that. I believe that’s fundamental. Reading is fundamental. Braille is an absolute must because that’s the way you get the good jobs. And also that’s the way you become independent. You can do things for yourself. It’s very, very important. I believe in it. It’s absolutely basic. And I am involved in that program with the library on the second Saturday of each month for that reason because I love kids and I love Braille.

But still I want to do something else. Well, I’ve always been interested in international relations. My hobby. Anybody who knows me knows I’m carrying a million pieces of equipment around. I’ve got a lot of radios, antennas, the whole bit. You know when I come here I’ve got more equipment taking up room in my luggage than clothes. I’m not the typical woman; I’m a little bit unusual that way. But because my hobby has always been radio and international relations, oh I thought back in the days when I was in college I wanted to be a United Nations employee, or be working for the State Department. Unfortunately, back then I didn’t know about the NFB or I might have been able to do it. But I didn’t know about the NFB; I didn’t have anyone who was willing to go to bat for me or fight for me. By the time I did find out about the NFB I was in this government job that wasn’t in international relations that was just with Social Security. You know when you’re hungry you get the job even if it’s not the job you really want; you get a job. You know you just do that because you need to, because you must. And I stayed with it because it is a service job, it’s helping others, and because it is something I believe in. There was security there too, frankly.

But I thought, well, why don’t I start doing some of the things now I’m by myself--some of the things I’ve always really wanted to do. When my son, Wyatt, was in high school I wanted him to be an exchange student. I wanted to have exchange students in my home. Both my husband and son really weren’t interested. They kind of said “No, I’m sorry. This is enough. We’ve got each other; let’s not spoil a good thing. We really don’t want to do this.” So I was the only one interested at the time, and it just didn’t happen, but it was a dream in the back of my mind. I said, “This is something I really want to do.” And I said, “Well, okay, why don’t I check into it?”

One day I heard an announcement on public radio and it gave out an 800-number for the Heritage Exchange Student Program. I said, “Why not? It can’t hurt to call. You never know, and if you don’t call you will never find out.” And so I called and left a message. At first I didn’t hear anything so I called back again and left another message. Then I got a phone call from a representative, and she was interested in me. She said she’d come and interview me and see if I was qualified.

I’m very happy to say that Rose Gordy had some experience working for the School for the Blind, and she had met some other blind people before. She wasn’t a total stranger to blindness. She’d been a home teacher for different students throughout her career, helping students that needed remedial help. She had also worked to help students who were in correctional facilities and had drug problems, and other problems as well. Rose is somebody who, in other words, was willing to take a chance--somebody who believed in doing something different and supporting somebody who maybe other people would turn away. Instead of saying to me, which was what I expected, “Well, Donna I don’t see how you could possibly do this. You’re blind. How in the world could you do this? You’re a single parent now. You don’t even have a teenager in your home anymore. How in the world could you do this? You know, you’re over fifty.”

Instead of giving me all these excuses, she said, “Donna, I think that’s a wonderful idea.” She said, “I don’t know if you can do it, but I’d like to see you try.”

That was all I needed. It really made me feel good inside. There was somebody who was willing to give me a chance. So, she started checking around in the program. Oh and I had to write this stupid letter and I was at first really peeved because this letter was telling how I as a blind person could do this--what I was like, what my life was like, and why… I had to write this letter because that’s what the person at the top told Rose I had to do. I had to write this letter to let the parents know that I was blind because they would have the option to say, “No.” We shouldn’t spring it on them. That would be unfair and there might be repercussions. Someone might sue, yada, yada, yada.

I said, “For Heaven’s sake it’s not fair! I shouldn’t have to write this stupid letter. Nobody else has to write this kind of letter.” And then I thought, wait a minute. All right, it’s not fair I have to write the letter, but instead of complaining about it and obviously never getting what I want, why don’t I make this horrible requirement into an opportunity?

So I wrote the very best letter I could write. I made me look like I could just walk on water. As a blind person, I have to admit I hammed it up a little bit because I really wanted this opportunity. Yeah. I overdid it a little bit. You know as a blind person, I’m really intuitive. I can do everything absolutely no problems. I have to admit I kind of overdid it a little maybe, but not too much. You know I have this great insight into human nature. And I think some of it may be a little bit true, but I think I overstated it a bit just because I really wanted this and I figured if they’re going to stereotype me they might as well get a good stereotype.

Anyway, it was a beautiful letter. A number of people told me it was a beautiful letter. I even ran it through NFB to let them check it out. A couple people from NFB said, “Yeah. Go with it. This is cool.” So I sent the letter, and then I started hearing from a couple students that were considering living with me in my home. This would be for ten months. I would be a host parent.

The first student who contacted me was Kim Antczak from Germany. She sent me delightful emails, and I sent her one back. She just seemed like a real character. She had a lot of humor and everything. She had some questions, and I answered her questions. At first she wasn’t sure she wanted to come, if she wanted to leave her family and friends… But she didn’t seem to be all that upset about me being blind. It was more like whether she wanted to leave her little town and go out on the big bad world of the United States... You know, was it real dangerous, and that kind of thing. It wasn’t so much my blindness that worried her; it was just leaving home. Those fears and doubts I could deal with. I could reassure her. She had a few questions about blindness, but nothing really hard, and I explained how I did this or that and she seemed really interested in coming. And she said, “Yes! I’m going to do it. I want to be here.” And so I said, “Okay, great!”

Well, they thought because I don’t have any young children at home anymore, and because I’m home alone, the best way to handle this situation, especially the first year, would be to have two exchange students live with me instead of one. That way, they’ll have each other for company. So, not only am I stepping into this water, I’m going to go head-first. And I thought, okay I think that’s really cool. Because they’re both teenagers and they’ll help each other with homework. And I thought, Oh that’s wonderful. I mean, I still help them with homework, you’ll see in a minute. But also they help each other, and that’s really great. They have each other for company, so there isn’t as big of a generation gap because they have each other--not just me.

So, the second student they had me get in touch with was a girl. I forget what her real name is. Her name was “O”. That was what she called herself as her nickname. And she was from Thailand. Well, that turned into a big disappointment. After I sent my obligatory letter, she said, “No.” She didn’t want me. I was like totally crushed. I was like really hurt. You know the funny thing is, what happened to her in the program, I found out later, was that she was placed with another family out in Frederick and that school system discriminated against her as a foreign student. They made her take some impossible test where she had to know who was the tenth president of the United States, what was the year we signed the Louisiana treaty, or something--some really obscure questions that probably nobody here, very few people here in this room, would know. I mean it was an impossible test and she failed it. And she was not allowed to be in that school system anymore. And I thought to myself, If you’d been with me, honey, that would not have happened. I felt bad for her, but in a way it was sort of like what comes around goes around. If she hadn’t discriminated against me, maybe none of that would have happened.

Well, the third child they got me in touch with, her name’s Hikari Matsumoto from Japan. And she’s a lovely, lovely girl. She didn’t write me as often as Kim. Kim was writing me a lot, but we did have some letters back and forth. She was using a translation program, which would make my processor, my screen reader, go nuts to see all these Japanese characters, but then I would just shut it off and it would be fine. She was real shy and quiet.

But anyway, both of these students came in September and they’re still with me. In fact, they’ve been swimming and they’ve been on the beach. They didn’t really want to come to meetings, I have to admit. Well they’re teenagers and they’re not blind. But they wanted to have time away from schoolwork. Although they are very, very good students, and they are very conscientious. I’m very lucky. They were worried about not being able to get work done, so they bought the computer. I’m sharing my computer with them--one of my computers. And they are very conscientious about trying to get things done. They enjoy going out and doing other things, but I’ve never had trouble with them coming back on time. They do the work I need to have them do. I never give them more than I would have done when I was their age. You know, I think they do the dishes and some clean up. If they want food that I don’t fix, they’ll fix their own meal if it is something I wouldn’t normally eat. Otherwise, I take care of all of that like I would normally do for my own child.

The way this program works is that the host parent pays for all the day-to-day stuff, like you would pay for your own child. So it’s been a bit of a financial hardship for me in a way, but it’s been so rewarding because they are really wonderful kids. They are really good kids, and I love them and I hope they love me. And we get along really well. And it’s exciting to be back fighting for kids, helping them in school, and doing all those things again I used to do with my own child. It’s fun getting back into it.

I am the happiest when I am helping somebody, when I am going to bat for somebody, and being there for somebody, or doing something I really believe in very strongly. As a Federationist, I believe in people. I believe I was put here on this earth to help somebody, to be a good example for others, and to make this a better place. I’m so thrilled that I’ve had this opportunity, and I plan to continue to do this every year until they tell me I’m too old. And, I’ve got a good possibility. I know at least one set of parents that are in the program that are in their sixties so I think I’ve got at least another good ten years.